Forcing Yourself

Recently I had done something I felt really guilty about. I had told my friends but all of them threw it to the side saying it really was not a big deal. Despite this I felt terrible  because this thing that I did was not just one thing because I had lied to my mom about it. I thought she would think less of me if I admitted to doing the horrid thing I did on an impulse so I lied and told her I hadn't and more than that I did this thing as a group and openly mocked them for doing it to my mother even though I did it as well.

One night it got the most of me. I needed someone to talk to who wouldn't tell me it was ok but at the same time wouldn't hate me for it. I needed to hear forgiveness. So I found the physical strength to walk down the hall to my mothers room, stand outside her door for over five minutes, and after all that I found the courage to knock. She understood completely and though upset at my actions approached me in the most loving way possible.

The physical and emotional pain of forging myself to do something was absolutely excruciating but when does anyone ever feel like owning up to their lies or eating right or exercising or talking to that guy you see on your way to work every day. How much more valuable would our lives be if we just put our own thoughts and feelings aside to just do something with ourselves?

I want to be the president. So I will be. I want to change healthcare to a more holistic form of medical treatment. So I'll do it. But the difficult part is doing it. Until now thinking about college and majors terrified me because what I WANT to do is not a stable job and I really don't have masses of supporters. My own friends wouldn't vote for me and they have told me so but now as i look at what i want to do the only real option is doing it. I know the president is supposed to be a former lawyer but that really isn't the point because I don't want to do that. I don't want to go to college for a job I want to go for me. I want to go to do what I want and become who I am supposed to be. So I will.