her

Boys really can be awful. They can be stubborn, insensitive, and even downright cruel. For someone who has only been in one, terrible relationship it became clear after the humbling breakup that the bad boyfriend that I had would one day treat some poor girl the way he had treated me. Now he is with someone else so quickly after our breakup and from what I have heard she is not as nice as I was to him. I pray that she leaves before she finds herself in tears after a phone conversation that broke her heart. I want her gone before he doesn't bring her flowers and chocolate on valentines day. I want her to leave before he steals her virginity. I want her to get out before he promises a lifetime to her because he will break it. And most of all I want him to grow up and understand what he has done even knowing that it was a sinking ship from the start. Boys will tell you when you break up that they aren't ready for a relationship even an easy one where you buy him gifts and visit him when he's sick but thats not quite it. True it was probably never you. You probably never did anything wrong or asked for too much but it may possibly never be enough. The truth is he was too immature. He was too ready to ditch something amazing for someone else and that is the worst thing you could do to a person who gave so much to just be with you. He might say that friendship is an option as you were good friends before but then his rare texts will sound distant and then angry. He will be lost from you and in a place where the feelings and moments you shared are just a memory. You'll hope for a day where you can meet and have a casual conversation in a year or ten, because right now if you are going somewhere you can bet he'll avoid it. You'll want to know if he is just upset about losing you which is also what you'll convince yourself of or if he really hates you. He would never tell you. He won't care if you suffer. Holding your head high you will feel all these emotions but maybe if you are strong you will pray every night that someone will fix him. You'll pray that he finds someone to love and that all the goodness in the world will come to him hoping only to be able to fall asleep without nightmares of him. After all these awful things and after his friends telling you that "he didn't know what he had" and how awful that was, you might be able to pray for him. And in that moment you will have won. You will have become better. When he only wanted hatred for you somehow you survived and rose above that deplorable place that he finds himself in. And in fact you will want the same thing for him. Sometimes pain and hurt make way for someone better. Sometimes you find yourself. And when you are low every good deed seems beautiful and important. This boy that hurt you and told you forever will not define your life no matter how much he harmed you and no matter how long he told you that forever was possible. Your dreams will come and go. They will change but the memory of him sticks to you like a stain that will never wash out. Let those memories fuel you to be better than him. Let them teach you how to find what you are looking for. No one will do it for you. And I just want her to know that so when it is all over and he is gone, she will not be the one left in the dirt with a shattered heart. Boys can be awful. But there is good and it will find you one day when he is a memory. You will be free and your time with him only a lesson.