Therapy!!!

So today was my second day of therapy. It sucked. Not like it was too much I don't know maybe I don't get along with her I can't tell. I got in there and we talked about how college classes nowadays were far too hard for kids. For an hour. If I wanted to pay to talk about school I would do it on here for free. No something must be wrong with me. Why am I just sad all the time. Is everyone just this sad as an adult and I am just handling it like a pansy. ARE WE ALL THIS SAD? There has GOT to be a reason I am not mad at my ex at all. He only stole my virginity and left after intending to do that since the moment he met me. Actually not mad more like hope he has a good life hope he starts going to church and seeing his friends more... Why? Tell me therapist is this something deeply rooted in my childhood that I can fix with intent and understanding? Being on anti-depressants helps but I can feel myself being sad under the anti-depressant covers. Like being inside in a bathroom with no windows and hearing rain outside. Still upset just happy about it. I guess. Depression is weird like why did I have to go through a twelve year old awkward goth phase where I cried myself to sleep every night to evanescence but twelve year olds now look like they are twenty five with their makeup and fashionable clothes and hair extensions. I don't even look nineteen and I am that old. Are they just the next stage of humans who don't get depressed because they will never be ugly? Thats the real reason I am in therapy I need my questions answered.

New Things!!

Recently I have made a few changes as the fall starts rolling in. My best friend Angela reminded me of all the things she has done and inspired me to write about mine as well. In the last month a good friend of mine died. I was very depressed at the end and shortly after this tragic occurrence and my parents who saw my misery decided it was time to get some help. I am currently on anti-depressants and see a therapist every Wednesday. The pills have really helped so far and I can sleep through the night too which also helps. Tomorrow is my second visit to the therapist and I am very much looking forward to it.


My doctor suggested that I take a sleeping pill before bed and wait an hour for it to take effect. I took advantage of this and started reading or writing to wind down. Quiet time has been incredibly peaceful and until now I didn't realize how much I really missed reading. In my room I have a full hour to myself for whatever I choose and it has helped my sleeping patterns as much as it has helped my ever changing mood.



As Autumn is rolling around soon I took some time for retail therapy and bought things I felt would truly improve my day to day life. I bought new candles and car scents from bath and body works. I got some new books (for my nightly readings). I even went as far as to start decorating so when I come home from work there is an inviting fall room to just be at peace in. With a few leaves hanged on pictures, lamps, and tables I have a fall bedroom. My dad bought me a chord so now I can charge my phone from my loft without my computer. As the season changes I feel that I should do the same.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.